five love languages
Relationships |Talsam Store Admin |02 Oct 2019

Amor, Amour, Amore! Discover the Five Languages of Love

Understand yourself and your loved ones more deeply as you learn about the secret to love that lasts: the Five Love Languages.

Revealing the Languages of Love

There are so many ways to say, “I love you,” without actually using the words. You can hug or kiss someone, buy them a present, or make a special gesture. The language of love takes on so many forms and, given our individual personalities, none of us responds to every expression of love in the same way.

love language meaning

After spending years as a marriage crisis counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman, established the Five Love Languages: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch, and acts of service. He found that the biggest conflicts between individuals existed from misunderstanding the other’s intentions. “It became apparent to me that what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their spouse or partner,” Chapman stated.

By understanding the different love languages, you can better understand your own needs, and the needs of your loved ones, which enables you to express your love in more effective ways.

The five love languages serve as a guide in deciphering what forms of love make you feel the most appreciated, and in what ways you can galvanize the relationships in your life.

How to tell if a loved one responds well to a language

When trying to find the language that best resonates with a loved one, you may try all five forms of love to see which one impacts them the most. The simplest way to know if your loved one responds positively to a particular language is to look for cues of acknowledgement. When you say something kind to them, do they smile? When you go for a walk together, do they light up with joy? When you bring them home their favorite ice cream, do they thank you sincerely, again and again? Being aware of another’s reactions, both verbal and nonverbal, are ways you can determine if this love language resonates with them or not.

The love languages are meant to enhance all forms of love, not just romantic relationships. They contribute positively to friendships, familial connections, partnerships, and even professional relationships. By expressing your love using a language that’s tailored to someone’s specific preference, you can be sure to leave a more lasting impression. This approach opens up a world of possibilities for your relationships, enabling you to explore a variety of ways to show you care.

Words of Affirmation

What is it?

People whose main love language are words of affirmation, feel the most loved when verbally reassured and complimented. When spoken to with kind, loving remarks such as, “You always light up my day” or “I love you with all of my heart,” the receiver feels appreciated and valued.

What does it sound like?

Words of affirmation are the verbal or written words we use to express our affection for another. They can sound different depending on who you share them with. For example, if your girlfriend looks breathtakingly beautiful in her red dress, you might speak to her with passionate, loving words: “That color looks gorgeous on you. You look beautiful tonight.

However, if you are speaking to a coworker, you might use words with a different tone: “I really appreciate you and value the work you do.” Although these two examples are vastly different, they are both ways to express love and appreciation. Voicing aloud how you feel to another can fulfill their fundamental human need of feeling worthy and cared for.

words of affirmation love language

Those with this primary love language value the emotions and sincerity behind the words themselves. If your daughter just graduated college, you might tell her, “I am so proud of you. I am here if you need me and I’ll support you in all the ways I can.” Not only do these words acknowledge your daughter’s achievements, they also affirm your intention of supporting her along the way.

Words of affirmation are not limited to spoken expressions. They also include written notes and love letters. If you have loved ones that live far away, this language can be an impactful form of showing you care. Sending your mother a handwritten letter in the mail that expresses your gratitude for her can light up her day and make her feel deeply appreciated. Written words are a powerful and effective means of sharing the depth of your feelings for another.

Receiving Gifts

What is it?

Being in any form of relationship teaches you the art of giving. Those who love the experience of receiving gifts above all else usually value the thoughts and intentions behind the gift itself. It is less about the monetary value of the item and more about the effort that went into the gesture of giving.

gary chapman 5 love languages

What does it look like?

The love language of receiving gifts can be something as simple as picking up a loved one’s favorite snack on your way home from work, knowing it will bring them unexpected joy. This language refers to all the unpredictable ways you can show someone that they are appreciated and cherished.

As the famous love poet, Khalil Gibran said, “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

Likewise, when you give another your thoughts, time, energy, or effort, these are things that make up the real gift. The physical item is just the vessel that these intentions exist through; nothing more than a symbol of all these inputs.

The act of gifting plays such an integral role in the way we express love as a society. Whether it be for a friend, family member, or significant other, at some point in time we have all found ourselves searching for “that perfect gift.” As long as you remember that the intentions and efforts behind the item is what makes it truly special, those dearest to you will be sure to love it.

Quality Time

What is it?

Those that value quality time above all other love languages desire the presence and undivided attention of their loved ones. What makes these individuals feel cared for and appreciated is uninterrupted time spent together.

What does it look like?

Some ways to spend quality time with a loved one could be leaving your cellphones behind while you go for an afternoon stroll or partaking in a meaningful conversation while cooking dinner together. What matters most to those with this primary love language is that you cut away the external distractions, such as work or chores, and focus on connecting in a purposeful way.

five love languages list

Physical Touch

What is it?

To this love language, being physically nurtured and touched is the most impactful way we can express how we feel. Whether it be holding hands, kissing, gentle massages, a pat on the back, or something more intimate, this individual feels the most secure in a relationship when they receive physical affirmations from their loved ones. Although gifts or words are still valid gestures, a direct expression of physical touch is what this individual cherishes most.

What does it look like?

Physical touch is one of the most straightforward love languages because it does not require any external inputs. However, there are a few ways to get creative and have fun expressing your love through this form. For example, if this is your significant other’s primary love language, you could transform an evening into an at-home spa experience, complete with a sensual, full-body massage.

find your love language

Acts of Service

What is it?

This love language is demonstrated through doing. Acts of service refer to all of the actionable tasks you can do for the benefit of your loved ones. What are ways you can make the lives of those you treasure more harmonious? What can you do in support of their happiness, personal goals, and passions?

What does it look like?

At the heart of this love language is the desire to support a loved one and help them feel good from within. For example, if your wife has always wanted to become a painter, you could enroll her in an art class or take care of the kids so she can devote an hour to painting. This form of love is focused on the actionable things you can do to help someone you love to pursue their dreams.

different love languages

It also includes more simple tasks, like making dinner, walking the dog, or emptying the dishwasher, which can all constitute expressions of affection, if done from a happy and willing place. By contributing to the household, you are showing that you value your loved one and your life together. The receiver notices the thought and effort behind the things you do for them, and in turn, can feel cherished and valued.

Deepen Your Relationships

Understanding the five languages of love allows you to intuit the needs and desires of those you care for. It enables you to more effectively communicate what you feel inside in ways that have a bigger impact on the ones you love.

Although some people may feel strongly related to one particular language, it is also possible to connect with multiple languages of love. Instead of having one primary language, you might find that you respond to multiple. Most commonly, people positively respond to, and value, all five languages to differing degrees. Incorporating the five love languages into your relationships is a wonderful way to strengthen your bond with those you care most about.

Love is a two-way street and requires a balance of giving and receiving. The Five Love Languages are a tool to create harmony and ease in expressing love. Understanding the various forms of love enables you to express how you feel in more impactful ways to the most important people in your life.

1 comment

  • I love this it’s awesome

    Rosie Crittenden on

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